Unlucky One

Monday, May 12, 2008

just came back from visiting my old friend, my doctor who incharge to heal my toes,
currently dropping tears from just now till now, YES! i've put on a very hard brave to make my decision, OPPERATION. i tot it will be better operation like sleeping, like operation in the hospital, but nope, as usual, awake operation! that's the reason i keep on dropping tears silencely, why? cause i've do this operation for more than 50times! can u belive that jieyi did operation for more than 50times with my eyes open&feeling the pain!!! this time operation will be abit different from the previous one, but yet i still have to open my eyes, screaming like i always did last time, feel the pain, feel the cut with knife, all things.. GOD! what i want is to sleep and operation, so that i can don have to feel the pain! GOD, even when normal injection i already scare like shit, wanna scream, can u imagine operation wit ur eyes open, with ur feelings is on!? i have no choise, this is the only way i can choose. i've already fedup doin&caring my toes for almost more than half year, but because last time doctor has said b4 this kind of operation, so i decided to try, but i dint know that i still have to be like last time, screaming & feel it & see it! GOD!! i cant stop my tears at all!! cause i can even feel the pain now! GOD, who can be so freaking crazy brave to do 50times operation which is u have to feel it and see it!! duh...... just trying to express my feelings in my blog and not to show how brave am i cause im not at all, i make this decision is because i dont want just to jelouse and look at pretty girls wearing pretty shoes and i cant!, btw, still thinking should i let him(boyfriend) know? i dont think so, operation will be held on next wednesday afternoon, sighs, I WANT TO CRY! why am i the one who so unlucky to get this kind of shitty things? want to know something? this shitty toes had already stayed with me for 10years, THX GOD,

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