just came back from visiting my old friend, my doctor who incharge to heal my toes,
currently dropping tears from just now till now, YES! i've put on a very hard brave to make my decision, OPPERATION. i tot it will be better operation like sleeping, like operation in the hospital, but nope, as usual, awake operation! that's the reason i keep on dropping tears silencely, why? cause i've do this operation for more than 50times! can u belive that jieyi did operation for more than 50times with my eyes open&feeling the pain!!! this time operation will be abit different from the previous one, but yet i still have to open my eyes, screaming like i always did last time, feel the pain, feel the cut with knife, all things.. GOD! what i want is to sleep and operation, so that i can don have to feel the pain! GOD, even when normal injection i already scare like shit, wanna scream, can u imagine operation wit ur eyes open, with ur feelings is on!? i have no choise, this is the only way i can choose. i've already fedup doin&caring my toes for almost more than half year, but because last time doctor has said b4 this kind of operation, so i decided to try, but i dint know that i still have to be like last time, screaming & feel it & see it! GOD!! i cant stop my tears at all!! cause i can even feel the pain now! GOD, who can be so freaking crazy brave to do 50times operation which is u have to feel it and see it!! duh...... just trying to express my feelings in my blog and not to show how brave am i cause im not at all, i make this decision is because i dont want just to jelouse and look at pretty girls wearing pretty shoes and i cant!, btw, still thinking should i let him(boyfriend) know? i dont think so, operation will be held on next wednesday afternoon, sighs, I WANT TO CRY! why am i the one who so unlucky to get this kind of shitty things? want to know something? this shitty toes had already stayed with me for 10years, THX GOD,