It doesnt matter..

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

It's not the matter whether i wanna care about it or not, it's the matter it couldnt cure and that's the fact that very least way to cure. I've got fedup. what do you all expect? its not like i dont have the feeling to care about it, im just feeling too numb with this. i even feel guilty and short of emberass when i wear on a nice shoe, nice heel. you know what? i feel so totally jealous with other girls they can fit in to all kinds of pretty heels, pretty shoes. i feel so envy and jealous and totally jealous. i've cried before, that i couldnt even get a pair of nice shoe or even a nice high heel after shopping in the mall for almost eight hours, and this happened again and again. Lucky, i could still try on some, just a few pairs. i couldnt even allowed to fit on this kind that kind this kind of shoes. who has the worse feeling? i know you all feel bad and sad with it, and always saying i dont care because i nvr care. what you people know about it ? it's on me, yea, u guys just eye it but i feel it. whenever im on that bed, i could feel every single pain, even i know what's the next step the doctor gonna do. all this has been repeated for years. Ten years. and i've went to atleast 4 diff kind of surgery, and more than 50 times surgery for it. does it works? does it even help abit? i can definately say no. it doesnt matter whether i did care for it or not, it's matter there's seriously barely, and hardly to find the real and correct way to cure. i even wasted pails of tears for all the moment, i could even feel the pain of surgery and even able to imagine how it does. I've tried to face the fact after 7years, and i did. cos i know it's the fact, and all i can do it to look forward, and face the truth. nth else i can do.
i'm sorry, forgive my negative thinking, but i hope u all understand.

Day was normal. whether was ok ok, like usual. it's damn bored when u have nth to do. tsk. nth much to blog for today. see ya tmr. (:

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