Who am i?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dear World,

Sorry for those annoying tweet/fb statues, saying wtv i wish .. and i wish ..

Currently listening - 苏打绿, 无眠

I aint in the mood right now .. and all i wanna do now is to stay in my own room and that's all.
My room is just my everything, i don't mind if u put a pad lock outside my room, as long i have my phone and lappy with me and everything in my room ..

When im in my room, it feels like, im in my own privacy. I mean, i do not have my own privacy since i was young. I understand when i was young i do not need privacy but im 19 now, already. Don't you people wish you could have your own privacy too? atleast abit?

I always hate people check on my privacy, such as my personal stuff/privacy in my phone/lappy/& wtv. Unless you  ASK for permission. I dont care if your my whoever, but still i deserve respectation kay?

Uhh, i don'n understand. Alright, parents care/worry/concern their child, it's normal, i do understand. But since im already 19, still, i deserve some respectation, don't i?

whatever im saying, who cares?

N years back, im all alone w/o friends. Like totally, no friends AT ALL. Can you imagine your life w/o friends? like none at all ?

I begin to keep everything to myself, cause i find the world is so untrusted. Everyone betrays me, uses me, treat me like a toy and wtv they like. They say i changed because i got a bf? They say i changed because i learn to protect myself?

fyi, i never ever change myself before. If only you know the true me.

From THOSE numbers of happened, i never talk much, i became quiet and being silence. I've got no one to talk to when im sad, so i began to cut myself, let the pain numbed the sad/hurts. I still do that sometimes.

It doesnt mean i don't love myself, it just that i cant stand those feelings. All the betray, all the left out, all the lies, and so many things .. What do you think if i say i don't even fully trust my parents? haha, i know it's funny.

even till now, there are people i trusted so much, they lie and betray me. haha!

Till N years, i met my two bff, but they are guys.

I always jealous other girls share their girls stuff, their bras with their girlfriend. I can barely go out, i barely have topics with people, i barely speak in the crowd, i barely get to know better/closer friends.

Therefore, i love going schl/college, because i have curfew, i cant go out often, and i got no one to go out with. (: I smell freedom and privacy when i attend schl/coll. because i got no curfew and no limitation ..

But after all the life-experiences, there's always one and only thing, which is the fear of facing people around me. I always afraid, "will he/she ....." all types of questions, and sometimes, i can bear with those feelings. I can say, it's hard for me to make friends, because im afraid. Im just too weak.

I can barely fully trust a person, and i did for once, but he just decided to left me by not trusting me.

How do you feel when your beloved one decided to leave you just because he/she cannot put their trust on you? or he/she cannot forgive your mistake? or .....

When im finally 18, i love finding freelance job non stop. I start making my own decision, but still .. i do not deserve to make my own decision, if i ever make a decision and the top one doesnt allow/like it, there goes my life .

Reason i love looking for jobs, besides i can earn MY OWN money, i get to know more people. Honey Jeanie, i can consider her as my very first girl-friend after N years. I was so happy she doesnt mind being friends with me (: then i get to know Babe Sharon, my second girl-friend. We had the same common/likes. Love you babes (:

Like what bff said, it's really hard to get to know people have the same common with you and become besties. I know, but i'll appreciate my two lovely babes, though we aint that close friends, but thank god for giving me the chance to get to know them (:

Life is just scary, for me.

Things are unpredictable, after 18years of my life. I've learnt alot (: Thank you for those people who betrayed me, used me, disliked me and all the hurts given. It allows me to learn so many lessons, in order to grow up.

Though i barely smile/laugh truly when im out of my room, though i still cry alone in silent with myself, though i always act strong outside but never inside, and all ..

Thank you for judges/comments/opinions, Im always who i am, and i don't change, but i improve (:


You Might Also Like